they say your worse enemy is yourself and i would agree to it. i can remember natalie portman's character in the black swan...too much expectations and setting the highest standards possible we put on our shoulders can sometimes get the best of us...the end result instead of having the best version of ourselves is a destructive alter ego that we cannot bear to face and end...

probably, it's just a bad day today so i'm writing on very pessimistic spirit...i ask forgiveness in advance and hope that one day as i read through this entry i would laugh at its lameness and pointless...i had a flu shoot last thursday, even though its not the first time i had a fever, my left arm went numb the whole night and i couldn't report to work. the next day,as what happens everyday when my phone alarms at 830 in the evening, i contemplated on going absent again but i managed to get up and decided with a heavy heart to work. i mean what the heck! it's already the last day so maybe i can just influence my dampen spirit that it will be over soon just suffer the 9 hours and it will FREEDOM!!! base on my calculation i would arrive just in time but to my dismay i was late for 3 minutes. To top it all! i was again enrolled to CSAT U ...to add to my now very very defeated spirit just by missing a mere point something to pass...i so wanna curse and throw things at that instant but i stopped myself with the mantra it could get worse and it comes in 3s so that kinda makes me immune...i hope....hhayz...my God! I can't wait for this day to end:(

crazy things start to happen when its raining nonstop...i guess we couldn't blame people who get depressed when the days get colder...again, it's how we are wired...we always associate the sun with warmth and smiles whereas dark and cold are for loneliness...i was supposed to go to the gym this morning after work but because of the flood ankle length i told the taxi cab driver to just go proceed to tisa...on our way, the rain was seriously lashing that i couldn't believe that i was already at the heart of cebu city...i was half worried that my taxi won't make it and at the same time slightly pissed because of how poor the drainage system is...i couldn't help but think about the tax that gets deducted from my pay. me and my colleagues would always joke whenever we checked our payslip "where are my roads and bridges" and i now believe that jokes are half meant but i never truly believed until today...i casted my vote every election and i have every right to demand that something be done about this...my God! in my own terms i couldn't possible or refuse to imagine what will happen when it continues to rain for months and to think the news says it would be until summer...i just hope that with all the taxes deducted the city is really prepare when worse comes to worse dba? enough for the good citizen role because i'm just a simple mamayan nyahhahaa...since i have spare time to waste in our apartment i managed to do two things that have long been delayed let's say i was busy (kunuhay!) (1) i deleted all the messages on my inbox on my sun cellular phone...i've planned on doing this for the past 2 years and have always argued that some messages could be worth the digging and can be used for forwarding purposes when the situation calls for it but over two years it just stacked up and i always have a feeling that i already received this message i just couldn't pinpoint when nyahahhaaa:-p also, i have grown some irratation on forwarded messages that in general (case to case basis hap!) sent to get someone's attention...i'd appreciate messages sent that are originally composed for whatever occassion...maybe it too has something to do with maturity and the sense of receiving something in sincerity....lastly, the phone who had witnessed a lot of my emotional battles needed much revamped and be free of years and years of secluded hurt and sadness...echos naman my phone nyahhahaa! (2) since its raining i have finally finished reading paulo coelho's book the winner stands alone a year of being just on the shelve and that renewed my enthusiasm on reading books...the feeling that you can't stop yourself from flipping the pages to know what happens to the characters and being somewhat in a way feeling the characters'  passion and intellect as your own...the feeling that you are using your brain to imagine and build places from the back on how you see them...your own movie, you direct and on some instances left to your imagination you can be the protagonist and sometimes play borderline the villain nyahahaa:-p such such fun reading books...with this i am now on the lookout for my next read probably another coelho nyhhaahahaha:-p in conclusion, i still love it when it rains! and of course as i always say...i wanna be kissed in the rain! charot!:-p

PEOPLE who made my 2010

 ***sorry for the delayed post...been very busy since the holiday started and with sinulog***

25 minutes left and it will be the last day of 2010...looking back this year had a lot of highs and lows...i could say that 2010 has humbled me in a lot of ways and have come to accept certain realities that can't be changed no matter big of a brat i am...to better show my ode to 2010 i am listing people who made my year memorable/bearable...it's about time to have the spotlight on them...they are people who inspired and touched my life in a sense...it's also my way of showing my gratitude to them...my apologies if along the way it gets cheesy nyahahhaaa:-p...so here they are! 

MAMA ~ of course! without a doubt! my ultimate rock! the light of our home! nyahahhaa:-p not to mention the unconditional love and uber2x understanding she has for me and my siblings. she may not know it or i may not show it but deep inside i'll always and forever LOVE her. I owe to her my life and without her discipline i won't be where i am now. There may be times i doubt myself on the choice I make but she never fails to encourage me. Life may be hard and mean but with her by my side it all seemed easier. 2010 was a very challenging year for her loosing nanay and lotsa issues on the sides but her courage never waned. Just need to take things easy and chill a bit. With faith i know everything will end well mama because GOD is watching:)

ATE JING2x and ATE KAYEN ~ two people who made our stay in hongkong memorable and easy...my gratitude to them for touring with us and  making sure we are safe...when i was younger i could only watch on news and documentaries what life is working abroad and sacrifices they make for there family to have a better life is never easy. I salute these two ladies for there bravery amidst the challenges! There selflessness is such a heroic act! Thanks so much again:)

YUYAH KASH and MIKAY ~ the first of the dreamgurlzzz to go abroad...i could still remember yuyah sending a spam telling us to work in dubai and personally i was thinking it was another episode of stress/boredom from the jobs we have...suprisingly, it was indeed true! before we knew it there papers were processed, then the last thagay and finally taking them to the airport...you probably think tears were streaming but take note! hindi ganyan ang dreamgurlzzz nyahahaa...if there would be, siguro tears of joy because someone from our kind made it outside pinas! kudos to yuyah and mikay for having the guts to completely give up everything including having an easy life to just venture on what awaits...again, getting there is just half of the journey...making it is the other half... to make the story short there were challenges in completing the next half...thanks to papa GOD as mikay said the journey was worth it!....yuyah kash is still in dubai and will be back in the felepenz this july while mikay is back because of family matters...we await for your return yuyah :) party! party na dayon nyahhaa:-p

ATE KC and DONYING~ another pair who made the decision to go abroad...although, it was planned for months so kinda expected nah...in this case, i was already kinda prepared emotionally. the only thing i will miss with them leaving pinas would be having people to talk,text or call when i get excited,sad,angry,upset and so much more nyhahaaa...as i've said 2010 was an exploratory year emotionally,physically and spiritually...i can say i was on a crisis because things weren't turning out as planned and i just panicked. both of them aside from constant fans of my fb status nyahahhaa were the first to know if something happened or will happen...i surely miss having someone to crash and personally talk too but i think it was all planned by papa GOD so i can finally make decisions on my own and finally stand up to it. charot!

HONEY AND ATE AICHA~ last but not the least the brides of 2010 nyahhahaa...aside from being one of my bestest and closest friends they've decided to tie the knot and it reignited my already barren/hopeless faith that LOVE could still happen in the most unexpected circumstances...hhaayz...siguro i can't help it i am a sucker for LOVE and happy endings ...i mean who wouldnt? we were always wired to believe in that but at times someone/something can make you stop believing in them...with honey and ate aich's stories eventhough i am yet to experience it at least i am back to being hopeful...nyahahhaaa:-p

there goes my list...the concept is not original because for sure a lot already posted such list but it's my way of showing my  big appreciation to people who have influenced me the past year...if i can afford monetary rewards then why not dba? for now, this is all i can produce nyhahahaaa:) to the people who aren't part of the list well there is still next year naman and that won't mean your existence is not recognized or i'm not grateful believe me i am! :)

life is a series of contrast...it always come in pairs like black and white,the yin and yang, good and evil and so on and so forth...this contrasting yet harmonious effect they have are spices that make life interesting...i am in a bit having a vacation hangover from my last trip...i'm a bit surprise on how random things can just happen out of the blue...suddenly the fun needed to have an abrupt ending...bittersweet in a sense but as always no regrets...what i'm actually trying to point out is whenever we have good things happening it is always coupled with something in return. i have always been happy with the way life has been and i couldn't complain how it turned out. however, i've been happier in fact consider it happiest so far returning from the trip. meeting people is one interest i have ever since i can remember but some of them just leave a special memory and place on my book of life  nyahahahaa:) please don't quote it as a romantic statement because it never is to begin with...just plainly interested partly envious on the adventure they are having...hahayz....:)

quesera sera

i admit i am one of the most gullible person that goes in hand in hand with my happy go lucky persona and at times it has worked to my advantage...i'm certainly not trying to be pa-cute when i'm being naive...that's just how i am and a lot of things can catch my curiosity oftentimes endangering myself so i have developed a tough fascade over the years but to the core i'm just a regular girl that melts from time to time...i just came back from a vacation to one of my local dream destinations~PALAWAN! to rate it is by far the most memorable break i had granting that i get to explore a lot of myself and be on-site one of the world's natural wonders:)...every destination is different in terms of reason why i went there, was there and experiences...it could be happy,sad or just neutral state...i delight on the opportunity to meet people from different walks of life and culture...there is much to learn and share...it feels good to talk to someone who is/are very different from what i believe and know and the good thing about being on vacation is that you don't argue or outdo each other you just listen and flash smiles:) nyahahaa:-p this time though i am a bit envious on the new friends i meet...like they can give up work and travel...GOD! i wish i can do the same but reality bites...i don't have finances like them so i work so i can travel...i don't complain i mean i can and cannot at the same time no matter how crazy it sounds...but it won't hurt to wish a little right? nyahaa:-p anyway, to end my post i've never felt so good and open about myself...thanks to this trip!...until my next destination...quesera sera:)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

i admit that i haven't been blogging like i used to..not because i don't have time nor my mind just closing out on creative juices...in fact i've been meaning to blog a lot of things like little things and micro ideas that will suddenly just pop out of nowhere...but i have come into maturity on things to open up because most of the time they were triggered by things that irrated me or left me unaffected in general...so it's safe to say when they are published to the public in went through a lot of thinking nyahahaaa:-p 

today is thanksgiving day in US and for the past 6 years i had come to embrace it  as part of the many many Filipino holidays i celebrate and of course the obvious reasons almost no call shift nyhahaaa:-p but this year is extra special since it's also my sister's bday (ddang) so all the more reason to party! nyahahhahaa:-p plus i get to organize with jejen and junelyn our birthday surprise for our team leads brian and clyde complete with balloons, banner and uber2x food...so if you can see me now..you will see me in a big grin of smile painted all over my face...it's kinda like early Christmas for today nyahahhaa:-p 

the cold breeze is finally here...and without a doubt Christmas is around the corner...certainly not something i can deny anymore nyahahaa:-p i don't hate Christmas just that over the years I longed to be with my family and have the Christmas noche buena mama prepares...God I miss having a normal life as in my Cagayan life! drama echoszzz mode again!...normal is a word that i never associate myself with eversince...the choice i made are never normal but nevertheless it never ended without dramas...so it got me into thinking that dramas are what's normal for me nyahahhaa:-p contradicting and out of topic again! nyahhaaaa:-p going back, with the season being loving and happy in theme i'll try hardest to bring it into my life especially sa work kahit stress na stress na ako...i guess thanksgiving is for us to remember the things that we have to be grateful...things we have and things that we love...HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

just when i was about to give up...

oh well...i may have blogged earlier than expected regarding missed chances but i guess it's safe to say that i was given a chance just last weekend...all i asked was a chance to say my piece and I did and I am the happiest girl in the world nyahahhaaa:-p it's not that its officially official...i mean not yet but at least i know we stand on the same ground...babalik na naman ako sa complications in life theory...but come to think of it those complications are what makes life worthwhile and exciting...let's just say they spice up life! char! or maybe my life was never designed to be normal at all...i know there will be no assurance of this step i'm taking but i never felt this way for a long time...it felt so good that i can't stop smiling...isn't that what's important? although i have to take my heart with caution but i now will get it to work with my head so balance is maintained...as much as i hate to be patient i have to for now nyahahhaa...so i'm crossing my fingers and keeping my faith on something like this....:)