Wednesday, October 26, 2011


i am suppossed to title this with something that will have the "gun" word on it . however it stayed on "saved as draft" mode for a long time and in between- a  lot of things happen...and take note it isn't a pleasant event :( this post came into conception when a yahoo news caught my attention~another shoot out incident just out of the blue... i almost shouted what the ???!?!?!?!? followed by ohhhh my God! from my profession i rarely watch news due to my crazy work schedule and zombie sleeping hours but when news like this occur  i can't help but be hooked! i know there are a lot of more pressing issues the world can discuss and try to resolve but i'm just sharing a piece of my mind. i am affected since we can now literally say no one and no place is safe. i once treasure moments when i am alone, mall strolling, but lately it made me think twice..i can remember my cousin ton2x saying that danger is everywhere and i totally agree. it is anywhere and no one can know how it will happen or who can make it happen...recent headlines made it look like loading a gun and then firing it is a free for all thing. public places such as malls and beauty saloons, places we frequently go to un-stress, are no longer beacons for refuge for us to momentarily forget the everyday challenges of life. even the comfort of home and family is no longer a 100% guarantee, such was proven on the talisay incident. a father killed his wife, 3 children, house help and then took his own life only sparing his teenage daughter. God forbid this happens on my own family! this horrors were only conceived as fiction previously. looking closely, the tragedies can be associated in a way. in my humble opinion, i have summed up the 3 possible or remotely logical reasons why such tragedies happen: (1) crime due to poverty (2) crime of passion lastly (3)twisted/sick mind. admit it! we are leaving in a world run by money and we are all guilty to it. society dictates us what to have, to a point psychologically decreeing us as to what holiday to celebrate. a few are born of privilege, a close 2nd in working class but majority are poverty stricken. We can blame the government all we want but they can only do too should still start within...the will to go up! unfortunately, our culture is used to the "bahala na" attitude...if we are born poor we instill to our kids to obviously die poor...or the easy money route like joining a noon time show/artista search to win instant millions! it may not be true for all but those areas are breeding grounds for drugs and crime. even if we escape or are more blessed financially we still have our personal demons to defeat. in a culture where macho-ism and pride prevails over well being its rare to meet a person(s) who is open to seek medical attention. often, those that go there are equated to mental illness. most of the time we just end up saying "pangita og ayo or pangita ka-storya"...i don't advocate going for professional help whenever you feel things aren't okay since it  is expensive and not covered by most insurance... in fact, on the first sign, talking to friends and family is a simple admittance that you need to make sure that you are normal (whatever is normal)...this also reminds me of the lyrics "too much love can kill you"... it actually does!  such was the case on the mall shoot was a love triangle then a break up gone bad...all of the cases ended up bloody~massacre even to a point...and it made me asked... "are we really this misguided that we recklessly let loose,  point a gun then shoot whenever we want to?" im no expert on human behavior, a lot of factors could affect leading to the horrible incidents....i couldn't know whatever was going on inside their head and i personally don't know or have the right to judge's just sad knowing that they took the road to could have been prevented...who knows....but as a bystander....violence is never an GOD help us!

finally! took almost a month to finish this entry:)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

of kids and farteeeys

i used to say that i never wanted kids and i made it my life mission to irritate a kid/baby until they cried *evil laugh* you might picture it as a heartless thing but don't get me wrong my intimidation is of the harmless kind suhwear! it's something like if a child likes me then we are off to a wonderful start and if it's the other way around then i asked what the..?!!!?!?!!? in defense mechanism i return the favor *another evil laugh* label it immaturity or plainly just playing around nyahahhaa:-p digging deeper during my moments, i have concluded that the reason why i acted the way i acted...dba may free DIY psycho nyahahaa? (1) i am the eldest and i saw how each of my sibling grown and rebel. i'm not saying that i did all the hard mom should take the credits...i was merely an assistant...from my perspective it was much work in fact consider it a career. motherhood is a full time job! for an immature, young and restless me, it was a path i couldn't bear to take at that time (2) on a more recent note, there is something wrong with my ovaries. i may not be able to explain it medically but in simple terms they aren't growing parallel to my age. treatments and medications can help but as always there is no 100% guarantee. the fear alone of not being able to or have one is without a doubt a disaster about to happen. again, in defense mechanism and stubbornness i conditioned myself not to have one to mask any inadequacies in simpler terms you won't get hurt if you never wanted it anyway! there was this unexplained insecurity that ended up dudging bullets to innocent ones. i hate myself for hating and feeding myself into hopelessness nyhahahaa:-p it took time for me to realize that i was on a destructive self rage without the need or push from someone to be. and then just one day, it hit on me like hallortz? miracle or maturity? you can take a pick...your choice is good as a riddle for me too:)  i started, smiling to kids instead of envisioning on how to hit their irration level to the fullest. Then I realized if I let my perky persona overcome my "yet to come" phobias they started smiling back. it may sound cliche but kids/babies are really stress make an effort to communicate and catch their attention without minding that it was really a task...i realized it is au naturel:) in a nutshell i feel that i wanted to have one nyahhaaa:) i'm not in a hurry though but i can now confidently say i'm ready...the excitement on setting up the baby room and organizing bday farteeeys...tsk..tsk...tsk..there is always a challenge though but kelan ba nawalan ang life? i may not foresee whatever is on the other side but again it is always a risk and in them meantime please be reminded its all "plans"...meaning future tense and may or may not happen:) so good luck!

even if i previously declared that i don't wanna have kids of my own....i already had names in mind for my future kids nyahahaa:-p nga-ub nho?