i am now back from hiatus not for vacation but to bid my nanay beba goodbye as she is now with papa GOD...as said on my entry i'll never feel the loss until i get to be there more like i only felt it during the last day of vigil when the 3rd gen ( term i used for me and my cousins since nanay's children are the 2nd gen) lead the rosary and eulogy...i mean each one of us will always have fond memories but the words that are tattooed on my mind describing my nanay was kind and sweet...:( to sum up how my mind goes at this exact moment as well as my feelings i have carefully choosen these 3 words....

• LEGACY-as the priest said death is an equalizer... in the end, we will all die. we cannot take with us beauty, fame and fortune. what will remain is the legacy we leave behind...during the eulogy, testimonials of how nanay would make sure that her family is intact...i am a living witness to the family reunions she would attend/organize to meet our relatives in tacloban...it was one of my most awaited event during summers...she would also make sure to make everyone feel comfortable and get to know each other...this just reminds me of station IDs but ours is real...everyone is there to celebrate and mingle with the entire clan...

• BITTERSWEET-during my first day at the funeral, i was overwhelmed with everybody's presence...i am feeling a but guilty because i felt the mood was somewhat festive as opposed to the somber mode we should be feeling...it is a bittersweet moment since i only get to see my relatives especially my cousins on moments like this...the last time we were all there was also to bid farewell to  kuya jimboy...it is only at these sad and desolate period i get to see all of them...i always say to my kuya's "magtapok-tapok lang jowd tah if naa mamatay?"...after spending some "chill time" with my cousins i felt so relieved that we all go through some issues of our own but the good thing about it is i don't feel alone and i feel normal talking it out to them since i'm talking to my own blood...the only question i have now is when will be the next time we see each other again...hopefully it will be a cheerful one :)

• REALIZATION- the incident has shaken my just stabilized mental and emotional state...it got me into thinking and ponder into a lot of ways most especially on living my life...i have a lot of doubts, fears and questions that i am too scared to fathom as of the moment...it get me into thinking on what would matter when my time comes...i just pray that it will pass and hope it happens the soonest...

FAREWELL nanay:(

after my work out i received a text message from mama "wala na si nanay"...i immediately called mama to check if she was okay...on the other end was a very calm voice and i knew i don't have to worry yet...judging from my mama's tone i felt that she already accepted and know that this is gonna happen...my nanay has been bed ridden for years, semi conscious and has breast cancer and time has made us prepare in a way what was about to happen...seeing or hearing that my nanay's health is deteriorating always breaks our hearts but we kept praying to papa GOD to give us strength to accept HIS will...i may sound unaffected but to be honest...reality hasn't sink in yet...my mind knows it's the reality but i still can't feel it yet or i still need to see that it is happening...but what i know is that i will be there when my mama sends nanay to rest beside tatay and i will always have in my heart all the fond memories with my nanay...i will forever be grateful to her and tatay for raising the best mama in the world...goodbye nanay...i know you are happy looking at us with tatay from heaven...we will miss you but you are in a better place...until then...:(

RANDOM blahhhss...blahss...

* it's my first time ever ever to organize our team building and i'm uber2x busy at the same time tense on cracking my brain with ideas how to make it lively and engaging nyahhaaa:-p

*ate aicha, one of the dreamgurlzzz, is tying the knot this october nyahaa:-p finally! may success stories na samin nyahhaa:-p 

*last weekend, when i woke up late evening i had a very bad headache and within minutes i throw up all of what's inside my stomach...ewwwwnesss!!!its probably wasn't digested since i ate a lot as in uber2x a lot!!! i'm maintaning wheat bread and fruits only on weekdays so my tummy is really not used to uber2x foods cguro nyhahaa:-p

* i weighed myself last week and after a month i already lost 5 lbs nyhahaa!!! yipee!!!! more pounds to loose!!! gow! gow! nyahaha:-p

and i finally SAID it....

i was told to go offline for a coaching session and as usual i get the scary thought that i did something wrong kahit wala naman nyahahahaa! paranoid ever:)...anyway, my team lead just explained why i didn't get a raise and he was apologetic about it nyaks! i just answered with "charot! ok rah TL uist"...i mean i already expected it will happen from the day they said that it will be performance based for the early part of the year and i know how much of a wreck my score was...more like reflecting my state of mind...clearly, as much as i hate to admit it my emotions most of the time gets the best of me...but what i couldn't believe was the fact that i confessed about it to my team lead nyahhaaa:-p as usual the words just came out of my mouth nyahaaa:-p i'm not saying we are close enough to share emo2x moments because that would be very ridiculous to the nth level nyahahahaa...to trim down the event, we were discussing my scores which is doing okay (yipee!!!! finally!), we also discussed how to help out a newbie who is clearly not happy with the work (light bulb!!! screaming me 6 months ago), how to handle the newbie since he is already to a point becoming a disturbance and of course a little personal like my love life to which i quickly answered "kekz muna" and the tale of getting hurt and not being able to trust your heart to someone yet...i can recall me saying "what hurts the most is the fact that you were fooled...more like it was your pride attacked"....what my team lead said was "looking back it all boils down to your PRIDE...but it's the only thing left so why let go of it?...in the long run it will all just be a funny memory"...charot! dba nagdrama na ang spiels nyahhahaa but those aren't necessarily the exact words hap there were jokes on the sidelines...i was just surprised hearing it from my team lead because he is the strict type and when he walks around the production floor murag behave humanda mi tanan nyhhahaa:-p...so there goes the coaching session...

they're playing my songs

i need a new song nyaks!....more like i need a new playlist...whackie pings me from time to time his recent favorites and i always end up saying "kadungong naman kow anah"...the worse part is the songs were two years ago..ayayay!!!! that was more like the dark ages in my book of life:-p songs suggested sounded tragic for me back then but caz is so inlove nyahhaa:-p is it possible for songs to have different meanings? i know i'm not making sense nyahhaa just rumbling about something2x nyhaahaa:-p i was a 100% sure those were sad songs for my very meeker mood but well..well...i super need to update my playlist...help!!!! :-p

FOREVERMORE

 i'm such a fan of echo-tin tandem...nyahahaa! (kababawan mode ON!:-p)...even if they are no longer together on/off screen i still get that kilig when i see there movies...before one more chance there was forevermore and i so lurvvveee this movie especially the twist on the mangoes sweetness nyahahaa:-p...the movie is really the usual magkababata then grow apart one went to the city and the other left in the province...nyahaha ayyy nakow...to get the feel of the movie...watch it na lang nayhaaa:-p

SNIPPETS of REALITY....

trisha:para kung masaktan man ako di mo ako makita 

(reached out to popoy's face to close his eyes)

trisha:mahal mo ba sya?
popoy:no comment but cries heavily
trisha: walks out crying

a snippet of a movie line...a mere fragment of reality but is close to my heart personally...recently someone told me that it is very important for all relationships to have a closure and i agree...if it is that easy why not?...i can just sighed again...why do movies make it all appear so easy then again they are just a slice of life within the 2-3 hour frame...when the director says "cut!" it ends...i hope someone will say "cut!" in our movie called "REALITY"...nyahhaaa:-p emo emo nadaot mode :)

si OLD MAID, MARITES at TONI GONZAGA mugna mugna

i have to say drinking is my 2nd favorite vice next to eating...i simply can't live 2 weeks in a row without it nyahahaa!!!! pero hindi pa ako alcoholic bitch nyaks! denial!...i went home last week to tsada cagayan and since i'm home it means i'm clean to the point na muntik ko nang patulan ang GRAND MA and since my sister pissed me off kaya 'yon unplanned events na naman nayhahaaa:-p i have sent out an open invite for my weekly dose of vitamins and as usual many were called but only few answered...uhmmm pamela and thanks to my uber2x red lips josh was tempted to join nyahhahaa....so three's a crowd!!!!

i can sum up the vitamin enriched session( RH! enriched) as revealing and kalokah!...as my fb status says "heartaches and drinks make a perfect match"...more like we were counselors to each other nagpaka wise and nagmarunong sa life...i can recall a scene in sex and the city but couldn't quite remember who said it...it goes something like whatever age bracket we belong to we always talk about boys and heartaches... the only difference is that we now have paychecks...ohhh dba? even on jeepney rides we all hear women talk about it...and it's not just women who talk about it even women at heart/trapped in a mans' body included...the session didn't go melancholic more like it was fun because the three characters involved were in different emotional states...i was the i'm over it stage state,josh was the committed and pamela was on yopak but i still love him stage...interesting and loud characters all with a different take on each other's situation...it was the unlikely trio but nevertheless we enjoyed the company...and we should do this more often! and as for the title well...amin2x nalng nyahaa:-p

and I still WANNA FALL IN LOVE....again!

i was reading other people's blog

for inspiration and to get my creative juice going...then an idea popped...why not read my previous blogs from way way back...uhmmm tripping lang jowd walang magawa nyahahahaa...and so i opened my multiply account and nyaks! i stumble upon my birthday blog in 2008 and to my surprise my wish then was to fall in love...nakuh hap! it's so kalokah! i didn't realize back then it was so babaw nyahahaa...made me realize that as  I grow older birthday wishes become more and more complex...when I was little getting a new dress was my definition of perfect...thus, posing a question when do human beings start to want material stuff nyaahahahaa....but that would be out of topic again nyahahahaa....going back to my birthday wish 2 years ago, for sure the first thing  you will be asking  is if it did come true nyhahahaa...i'd like to say YES! as in bonggang bongga YES! YES! (huwag nalang details okiemz?)...so wishes do come true especially if you make one on your birthday nyhahahaaa...but the thing that bothered me was how did i end up making that wish? or why of all things did i wish for that specifically...hmmmphhhh i'm literally thinking deep more like disturbed on the thought but I only came up with two honest answers charot!....let me sum it up with 2 words...PRESSURE AND PREPARED (PnP...nakikijoin nyhahaa:-p)...pressure from my mom who always asked when she calls if i already have a boyfriend and constantly reminding me she includes it in her novena take note! kalokah! pressure from peers who at that time (take note na naman! at that time hap!) were already having good relationships...not that i felt it out of pressure or sheer consideration from the people involved it was more of a perfect timing...then there comes the being prepared...like i was at the right age and i felt i could handle a serious one plus at that time i felt papa GOD already sent "the one "nyahahhahaa:-p and so until this day i remain in that belief that i am more than prepared...charos! nagmasteral nakow and uban pah nyhahaha:-p but as they say na naman you can never be too prepared or ready when that moment hits you....dba?...this time i won't make it just a birthday wish for myself...I wish for it to be felt by anyone and everyone reading my blog...lastly, i wanna shout it out loud that i still wanna fall in love again! like over and over...but pwede papa GOD the right one this time....nyhahaaa:-p

vacay mode no more....

just came back from a 4 day vacation from my beloved hometown cagayan de oro city aka the city of golden friendship...this time coming home was very different since it was my first time ever to ride on a plane all alone nyaks!!! thank God there were no delayed flights!!! nyahahaha...i'm still feeling the vacay mode even if i'm back to my reality (work! work! ngarag time!!!!)...i am in such no mood for anything to write...i'll try to get back the soonest once i am able to grasp reality nyahhaa:-p