"It’s so hard to believe how much can change in a year. This time
last year things were completely different. I was completely different."
i think i've heard or used those lines before but couldn't put a finger as to where , what and how. moving forward, before my fav month ends here are a few things i realized uhmmmm maybe just this week to be exact. totally, basing it on the people and events happening around me. they are simple truths that i ignored but only recently it just slaps you and dismissing it is not an option. it's a mix of joyous and painful truths but then anything goes in my place:)
*leave something out for myself ~ i used to think that being an open book would make life easier. anyway, who cares if people will judge me base on my action i was quick to respond "they have no idea". looking back at it now, it was a very childish reply. it maybe true that people had no idea on the real deal but that didn't gave me the right to act as if no one is watching. there should always be a room for authoritative and watchful eyes and no matter how much you hate to stay still then you must at times out of respect even if it's the last thing you want to do. I am a very trusting person, when i meet someone i make no assumptions, "unless by accident informed of a bad behavior", everybody gets a clean slate on my terms and i honestly and naively trust you do the same. hiding skeletons in my closet is not something i can live with but on recent years i have carefully choosen people to show off those poisons and as years passed i should keep reminding myself to be most careful on who to trust even if they were trustworthy in the past. maybe listen to them but be forewarned and open to the possibility they can always hurt you.
*people will always disappoint you ~ i am not perfect and i am guilty on this as well and i guess for this case all is fair. i've heard that even your bestest and closest friends will fail most of your greatest expectations. on multitude times, you will have to learn to forgive them of their shortcomings and eventually work things from there. you either have the option to be wise about it or sadly cut the line. you also have moments when you need to play it by ear and wait how things will turn out.
*learn not to care and be a better person~ in life, certain person(s) will out of nowhere forget what you were in their lives or suddenly change without explanation. you will neither receive warning or explanation but life still goes on for both parties. as human as you are, your pride will get the best of your emotion. you think of ways to strike back or shout unfairness on all corners but it's best to keep mum about it. wait for the whole chaos to flame out then simmer. when all perspective are taken objectively, decide what's the best approach. if you feel you have your hand on the issue then with all humility apologize. if apology is not enough for vindication then be modest and respectful of their choice. try to move forward, maybe hurt and hate a little but choose to be the better person.
*unconditional love~ despite your imperfection, bad attitude, and incurable habits a few will accept and embrace those inadequacies. naturally, they are your family but there are some who will turn out to qualify the rank in that level of acceptance. they are people worth keeping, trusting and respecting. it's heartbreaking that of the many people you meet, merely a handful are close to that level of accepting. you have the feeling they have or might but best to reserve a little doubt since majority are just temporarily and technically present for free passes. on a happy note, you don't live for those people. you laud your existence to those who consistently bear and take you for just who you are.
those 4 are elementary things that you often read about or was persistently reminded over the years... you are equipped to know them yet you need constant reminder or experience them to know how they leave an impact on you as a person. :) and this is life! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! CHOS!