How to save a life?

so grey's anatomy...so yesterday...in a good way recalling how i used to identify myself with the lead character was funny in a way. in reality i am nothing close to meredith professionally and emotionally. we just shared one thing in common and that is falling for someone who had a troubled/complicated relationship with the ex-es so to speak. everything was all happy, gay and colorful and then hiroshima bomb just drops and introduces herself as the so called dreaded "ex." so where do we go or what do we do when faced with reality we've been avoiding and we tried to silenced with logic reasoning. i guess it has to start with acceptance. in the first place, you only dreaded the "ex" because you wanna believe they never existed. acceptance that they were there before you entered the scene. as much as you hate to admit that you trespassed a chartered territory you should acknowledge that it is the truth and nothing you do can change that. acceptance that maybe you are the so called "test" on their relationship and maybe you might get kicked out of the script anytime. regardless of what may happen it is important to remember not to pity or feel sorry for yourself. things happen synonymous to shit happens! it's okay to cry but eventually you get to laugh at the whole experience. whatever or however hurt it caused you there is always a lesson learned. simply, put it that you learned it the hard way and importantly deal with it without regrets. if i had the chance to do things again, i wouldn't change one single thing. maybe just make the most of each single time we were happy together. that to me is priceless...naks! going back to grey's, i finally bid farewell my identification to meredith as there can only be one meredith as to there is only one pauline mae...no two people can be identical...maybe in experience and in heartaches but handling the situation is different when you are from reality nyahhahaa:-p i'll have to say the series was such a source of consolation during my dark hours and gallons of tears were shed to some extent i find my way back to reality because of the show nyahahhaa:-p...so yesterday, so grey's...the answer on how to save a life? well, depends...it should start with do you wanna be saved in the first place?

on single awareness

survived vday yet again and as always looking forward for next year nyahahhaa:-p i'm saying that without any bitterness in the air or just got accustomed with the thought that somehow it just makes me laugh at the idea that its a celebration/holiday but then again it is just my opinion, i own it and its my corner so i rule here! nyahahaaa:-p if you ask one friend of mine he would just reply "who's that?...i've been numb for the longest time!" echos! i just think it's crazy that we need to have a day devoted to showing our love when in fact we can express it everyday. commercialism are now declaring what are our holidays, when to celebrate and where to go kalerkah! but then again since i'm a hopeless romantic i still believe that one day someone will finally swept me off my feet and eventually i can appreciate this particular day pero i think when that someone is finally here after 48 years of waiting everyday will surely be loveday :) it's not naman i'm spending my day looking but i never thought i would have a mindset on settling down...years ago, the idea would never crossed my mind pero my friends are slowly getting married and having kids suddenly so parang FAD na naman siya or should i say trending topic in my book of life nevertheless let me make it clear i'm not in a hurry hap! as they say timing is everything so let's wait and see what life has for me:) my favorite cousin kuya nic says i should lower my standards but truth be told i have no standards naman and if there ever was most likely i am just looking for someone who can stimulate me mentally, absolutely not boring and lastly, no physical qualifications although bonus if nayhahahhaha:-p final question? when and where art thou? char! :)

I can't help but linger with the idea of our reason for living...my friend asked me that question during the wake of our friend's mother last Saturday...in unison, we responded with the reason that everything we do is for our parents...our smallest to the greatest achievements are all for our parents. so here comes the follow-up question what happens when they leave us here on Earth? i have no answer and i don't even wanna think of one at that moment and to our surprise the gayest (pinakabayot heavy!) of us all answered simply with "that's why you need to have a family of your own so every triumphant moments would be for them." i was taken aback on the statement and at that moment i have confirmed what i have fearfully hated to admit for the longest time...i wanted to have a family of my own so when i grow old i have people to look after, share my wisdom and give all of my affection. funny things happen when someone dies, you get to contemplate on things you wanted.  suddenly, you just feel that you are not alone on that need. putting everything on living each day to the fullest as a mere requirement and sub topic on how to live. i am not saying we shouldn't...in fact, we should nyhahaa:-p as a parting word, on mikay's speech i can't help but shed tears when he said " so all of you, who still has a mommy and daddy do not forget to say i love you when you have the chance because you'll never know when would be last." i realize then how much i love my mama and papa...not that i didn't just that we were never the showy bunch but we know deep inside we do. when i was younger, i would only think of things that makes me happy but lately i realized that i am way past those years. it's now my time to think about mama and papa. probably the reason why working abroad is not something i can decide yet...a lot of considerations has to be made and i need to be assured that whatever the decision i make, will not affect any benefits they can enjoy while i work here. mama and papa are not getting younger and i can't help but be bothered on thinking i haven't done enough to make them say that they did a good job on me nyahhahaaa:-p nevertheless, i am trying as in trying hard making baby steps:) as for the family thing, i think that can wait...if papa God wills it then it will happen and until that happens i am faithfully submitting to His will:)

KUNG HEI FAT CHOI! KIONG HEE HUAT TSAI! screams are abundant hence its the Chinese New Year and as Filipino as i am i have come to embrace traditions/festivities from foreign countries...growing up in cagayan where 75% of business establishments are Chinese owned i can't help but be influenced nyhahaaa:-p who wouldn't want to be rich like them...but their wealth has something to do with self discipline,respect to tradition and even without scientific explanation they can just attract good mantras on how the earth and planetary objects move...i don't see any harm on emulating it nyhahaaa:-p skip the fascade we all want to be like them one way or another...not bad for a country that is defeating US slowly but surely on economic growth and technology...looking forward for a prosperous year of the rabbit...feng shui says wealth is good for me born on the year of the rat! yipee!!!!