sweet dreams?!!!?

when your dream becomes a reality but slightly altered? should you laugh about it? as i write this i have the DG song in mind "keep dreaming...keep dreaming...DREAMGURLZZZ" to the tune of bleeding love. we all know that most of the time we don't remember any of it once we wake up and those that we remember we find the people and place peculiar. more like the people in your dreams don't usually hang out or belong to the same click and the places of origin are odd...like super super odd:-p any thoughts? what I'm trying to say is dreams could be bridges that links us to the dreamworld...they mirror facts that we face on a day to day basis...they reflect on the actions that we would've made when we didn't and lastly, dreams could be your inner conscience telling you to do something about unfinished business! char! but please forgive me since i can't stop myself from smiling,grinning or whatever on my dream! nyahahaa:-p sweet dreams kuno?!?!?!?!

VULNERABLE (vul.ner.a.ble)

Dictionary defines it as: (1) susceptible to physical or emotional injury.(2)capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt. (3) open to temptation, persuasion, censure, etc. Just one word that without us knowing can leave a devastating impact. I had this topic in mind since I was caught off guard with this word a lot of times. It usually happens after episodes of emotional distress. Just to be clear I am not experiencing any of that right now emotionally! A friend of mine, recently had a very stressful decision to make and he was anxious most of the time as to and if the conclusion would come to a happy ending. To occupy his thoughts, he went to an unlimited drinking spree. The next day, confronted by a friend  with "i know what you did last night" of which he completely has no memory.Another friend of mine, knows she has to move on but when a time comes for her seeing his ex she plunges into the vulnerability stage again. I don't blame them! When it comes to relationships no one is a sure winner. I should know right?nyahahahaa:) Going back to the topic, this is what makes us human. Knowing that we get hurt and when that happens we tend to break the walls of standards we set. Not that we need  to sink down to the lowest level of morality, what I'm trying to say is instead of using it to completely bury ourselves it would be high time to open up on this moments of vulnerability to something new. Re-position and re-think paths we need to cross, explore new adventures and meet inspiring characters. Instead of painting vulnerability in a bad light why not change it. Opening yourself to something new won't hurt as long as you don't get lost. And as I say it, continue the quest for the meaning of your life and along the way find fulfillment.

although i kissed summer goodbye, i always smile when i remember or look at pictures on how beautiful and sunny(literally!) summer of 2011 was! aside from the sunny and shiny attitude i have for most of the year, i am a self confessed beach fanatic. whenever an opportunity arise to soak in the sand, i am always up to it:) there is an unexplainable feeling of joy and peace i feel when i am near the beach. it never fails to cheer me up as if suddenly i am on a reboot. with a few minutes of hearing the breeze whispering calmness it reminds me to take life slow, to chill a little and to look at it with a positive perspective. positive positioning is all that i need from a very crazy and busy lifestyle i have. reality for the past years has always been for survival on a day to day basis. having to get away from reality even for just a day is a precious and priceless reward. it puts me in the zone on why i was here, where i wanna be, what i wanna be and who i wanna be. pretty much over the years, my choices coupled with little mishaps on life experiences, stayed much the same. safe to say you can never change who you truly are deep inside.  i get to also accomplish organizing our summer event so that is something different from previous years. back to original topic, the beach is like the peak, i can see everything in all levels. knowing and seeing everything puts things as if they were on their right places. i can clearly hear my conscience and observe people around me~it even outs the playing field as they say. i can only sigh! i attached collage photos of  my favorite moments this summer...and take note the big smile painted on my face:)

the remedy or my remedies

vanity is a serious mortal sin but for the longest time i have taken care of my skin. not to a point that i religiously pour moisturizers and toners on my skin but i make it a point not to leave any spots or marks on my skin. summer of 2011 was a blast! it was beach get-away every weekend to my delight! i couldn't complain and i just love the beach! to kiss the sun goodbye we decided to hit moalboal beach for the last week and more importantly to achieve the summer tan i never get to accomplish! and so we went, i was lounging in the sun, swam to my heart's content under the heat of the sun never minding the stings i feel from time to time. as the locals would just brush off with a simple vinegar/alcohol/efficascent oil would remedy the stings since they were just small jelly fishes not the big ones. hell yah! i believed them since i was bent on achieving my goal to get the summer tone! unfortunately, it wasn't my lucky day. i didn't get my summer tan and to my horror i got stings all over my body. the sight of it didn't come to my attention until i was back in the city and my sister trying hard to hide her horrendous reaction nyahhaa:) she was concealing how bad it looked so i won't be paranoid knowing how paranoid i am. moving on, i was at lost what to do, so my first reaction was to put something on it to ease the itch. i asked my sister what she applied but she forgot the name since her boyfie gave it to her...i felt i could die! char! here are the ointments and soaps i used to successfully cure my stings....meaning i had no idea who did the job actually nyahhahaa:-p i just smothered whatever i can get my hands on to just ease the itch:)

1. NIZORAL CREAM ~ i always carry this ointment along with my anti bug spray when i go on vacation or when i head to the beach. for reasons that i feel safe carrying them since im super paranoid on little itch. this was the first ointment i used the moment i got home. unfortunately, the tube i got was not enough to cover my whole body so to temporarily avoid scratching i just dubbed the affected area with alcohol while i await for the name of the ointment my sister was using. anyway, it was already a long day for me so i jumped to bed and prayed tomorrow would be a better day:)

2. CALMOSEPTINE~ the following day, got a text message from my sister saying that her boyfie couldn't recall the name of the ointment but it sounded like "calmoseptin". i find the name funny since calmot to translate from filipino to english literally means "to scratch" but then i said to myself i'll give it a shoot when i go to the pharmacy. for sure they know better and would probably recommend something. to my satisfaction, the ointment really existed but was spelled "calmoseptine". i hurriedly brought the ointment not minding that it was at 36php per sachet. i mean if it would relieve me from itching and scratching myself then why not right? i applied the ointment from day two to three.

3. DR. KAUFMAN SULFUR SOAP~ applying ointment wasn't enough i felt that i have to do or apply something else. as they say mama knows best, so i was following my mom's advise to use this soap with special instructions to leave it off for about 3-5 minutes before rinsing with water.

4. DR. S. WONG'S SULFUR SOAP~ i was really content with dr. kaufman's but the problem was it was making my skin super dry even if i put lotion and i couldn't take the smell of sulfur out. luckily, i found a better alternative. kaufman's biggest competition in the sulfur soap market-dr. wong's! the image is not the actual one i used. they now have the scented version and with moisturizers. so dry skin and smell solved!

5. BIODERM OINTMENT~as days passed i can see that the stinged areas are already dried up. To avoid over dosage i just apply bioderm ointment until it comes to a full healing.

**DISCLAIMER: i am not in any way endorsing the products mentioned above. I am merely telling my tale on what products i used nyahahhaaa:)**

it seems that fate would always have our paths crossed and the last words "until our paths meet again" resounds like a thunder roar with lots of questions emerging from my mind. the good thing, i no longer have that strong sense of attachment emotionally as i write this but who knows in months time if that would still be the case. i am tempted to back out and i have millions of reasons for it to look valid but it would be hypocrisy to avoid this opportunity knowing that i am strong enough to face the reality despite its harshness. i mean hello? years have passed  to a point that i have immunized myself from feeling anything. i would never get answers if i continue to run away. as far as i know i have questions and they need answers. i will not demand for the answers but i have to know rather than turning a blind eye or keep pretending that you never existed. i cannot be living in webs of make believes, of how comes and of uncertainties. that is not the life i wanted and certainly in all honestly i wanna completely move on. move on in a real since that there are no unfinished business or outburst waiting to blow up. i hate showing my touchy side because it makes me vulnerable to a lot of things .i hate to be ridiculed even from my closest friends. you may see me laughing on the jokes you throw at me but always bear in mind that those pits of cries are not for your viewing pleasure. they were never meant to come out in public. it would be much appreciated if you just respect it. then again, it already happened and i cannot change what you are. i am not mad,  i'm just probably disappointed. this is a crisis that i carry for years! as much as i wanna keep it to myself, moments of vulnerability happen and as much as i wanna hold it all together those are the moments i simple cannot. if you don't like what you see or hear then best to keep your mouth shut. blackmailing are only for uneducated people. no hurt feelings here, just saying a little growing up wouldn't hurt. there are moments for childish things. as far as feelings go, basic common sense would tell us to respect it right? as crazy as it may seem, despite the immaturity ,you are still my friend:-p we've survived far more devastating heartaches, mishaps in life and silly moments. this one shouldn't break us char! back to original topic, so let's see what happens. base on my assessment i have no more reason to fallback. not in a sense i am in fighting form, just that things are more clearer and time has helped erased the setback i once fallen. so with God as my witness , giving me the power to wage war to beat out the conflict in me let's put the phrase "until our paths meet again" to the edge of its limit.

TOOTHfairytales

for the longest time i've been insecure about my 2 front teeth protruding and seemed like the perfect smile is unattainable. as years passed priorities changed but i couldn't let go of achieving my perfect smile...not that it is a matter of life and death but i know deep inside that once i have it accomplished, a sense of pride will be a reward not worthy of any monetary cost. aside from boosting confidence (as if i have a low one?!!! nyahahaa:-p) taking pictures would not be bias to one side or nth shots just to get the correct angle. i can recall asking my mom when i was a teenager to have my teeth fixed but would just get a reply that it cost too much and that it will be better if she spends the money on our daily needs to which i completely understood and so i vowed to write in my book of life to have my teeth fixed someday:) so here is a narrative on how things went...

first 2 things to consider is financial resource and a dentist you can trust. well, it took me awhile to complete the financial aspect thanks to company bonuses:-p. as for the dentist, a good friend of mine recommended them! all systems go then! my dentist had an initial assessment and sent me to have my jaw/mouth x-rayed, pictured (the experience was funny/embarrassing a bit since you literally need to open your mouth the widest apil esophagus i feel mapicturan!) and teeth molding. after a week,my dentist then showed the xray films and pictures taken while explaining what needs to be done before placing the braces including the cost of the whole procedure. initial reaction was ngeks! the braces on the upper part were placed first but with my teeth structure ,2 impacted wisdom tooth on the lower jaw needs to be extracted to create space before placing braces on the lower part. the extraction took 1 month to complete since it cannot be done simultaneously and to give way as well for healing. the challenging part didn't happen while on operation  since anesthesia was injected but i could feel my jaw/mouth getting numb. pain starts to kick on as soon as anesthesia disintegrates apart from having  the extracted side will swell for about 3 days and i was resigned to eat only soft foods. pain can be managed though by making sure i take my medicines on the prescribed time interval. before operation i had to do away with alcoholic drinks so for a month i was alcohol free nyaks! after all the extractions and sacrifices (food,alcohol and social life!), last week the lower braces were placed and the upper ones were adjusting so that completes and is the start of my quest for a healthy and perfect smile...i tell you it's not easy since i have to make sure every now and then to practice good oral hygiene habits-not that i didn't previously but to achieve 100% satisfying results in the fastest possible time and to avoid risk and complications! 

SMILE:)

seems like my life is always on a crossroad and i can't find a route to end this confusion...feels like everyday is a routine...probably this is the so called quarter life crisis...in crisis because where i am now is just okay...the state i'm in is okay tied with challenges that are strenuously draining yet they never get to spark inspiration within me...it's not that i'm asking for very difficult ones i just need a little flicker to get me going. what's worse is i don't have an answer to what that glint is...there are time that i am all alone and can't help sighing not on what could have beens but on what road to go. where i am now is comfortable but i was never comfortable at comfortable...i just need a sign that i am where i should be...because my heart and my soul is on dilemma right now:(