winds of CHANGE...people of my 2012

2012 had been a year completely of CHANGES. learned a lot and hoping would be wiser with the experiences i've been tested...first and fresh new set of challenges were served...some i handled with absolute naivety, while some were just another redundant/intermittent recurring episodes that i just walked away...there were a lot of decisions i finally gave a GO! after years of planning. as always the year was full of ups and downs coupled with never ending mostly smiles and a bit of tears both for joy and sadness...nevertheless, i'm happy and truly proud of myself for surviving another crazy year...so as per blog tradition even if it's super way late posting (ehhhh CNY just ended so it's still NEW YEAR eheheheeh)  i am giving homage to the people who stamped my 2012...it's safe to say that with them the past year had been less unbearable and more endurable...these people were sorta my pegs/inspiration pak! kembular! in no particular order of importance here they are:

 FAMILY - i can't help but put them on the list on a yearly basis...i mean with everything i had to go through from the moment i asked to be on my own they were the people who supported it 100%...regardless if it sounded very unreasonable...no matter what happens be it working on my advantage or against me they always remind me to have faith and that everything will fall into the right place. they have been my unending source of strength and courage and with them on my team i feel that i can or will try to be the best in whatever endeavors i take. they are my number one source of real love...the one that never questions, never doubts and never judge. 

JACQUEE - talk about vanity shots and FB as source of daily news feed and i only have one girlfriend to turn to nyahahhaa... we were colleagues before but we never had the chance to bond until i was whisked to Singapura and we become roomies. it's really true that you'll never get to totally know the person until you get to live with them...oh well...can't be helped with some downer moments but it didn't outweigh the fun and happy moments we shared...the insta moments where we can't helped but feel the girl in us control our emotions, the retail therapies when we feel down, the jogs to ECP and strolling the whole geylang to de-stress and the blushes and ohhh my gushes about family and relationship dramas during late nights...i will surely miss them geng but life has to go on and let's believe that everything happens for a "good reason"...just so you know i'm always the kaladkarin friend you can turn to nyahahhaha :) unless keke ang nag-invite then kabalo naka unsa akong pili-on nayahahaa :-p

ENRICO ORBE JR - i have to put the full name dong so as not to confuse you with the erics' i know LOL...it's really funny how we first meet...i wouldn't go into details but to make the story short he left a not so good impression on me...what he did to a dear friend was a guidebook straight of an A**hole manual...without blinking he had to vanish...but life always have this funny tweaks that will remind you that it's a small world after all and we ended up as colleagues. since we have no choice given that our desk is next to each other, he then became my everyday ka-chismis. we suddenly become the go to person when i needed advice with a guy perspective on handling relationships and in return i help him on how to date 101 sincerely and truthfully (take note dong hap!)...eric is a good friend to have around...he is reliable and mature for the most part nyhahha :-p but he is still accountable for what he did and he is really trying to right the wrongs..i am not endorsing for him to be forgiven on that part because that is not mine to give dba dong? in fact i constantly remind him to make an effort because what he did was very very wrong...nevertheless, he shouldn't be judged because of his past...it has always been my mantra to give everyone a clean slate...i gave him one and as of this hour i am not regretting that decision...so happy on your blooming lovelife dong sana tuloy2x sa jackpot round na but you need to do one more thing and it's a demand not a request LOL.

TATA - the newest member of my family...never ending welcome to the  family greetings again! i have to raise the roof and unlimited thumbs up to this guy who is now legally and officially my brother-in-law nyahahaahha for keeping up and staying with my sister...you see when they just started i wasn't really a big fan of the love team...call it protective instincts of a big sistah or whatever you like but i was giving him hard looks and silent treatments during his house visits...lucky for me his patience and understanding was un-ending and he endured all of it...he slowly proved that he only have good intentions and that made me happy...i know he will take care and love my kapatid and i wish them good life together forever...

LICLIC & YOMA - year after year i always include lovebirds on my list because i am such a sucker for love! love! love! hopeless romantic to the extent but i am just happy to see people in love...it's meant to be infectious but i probably need a bigger love bug to be infected nyahahahaah...going back, the two worked closely together for years but never got the look of love until Singapore happened nayahahahaa :-p at first, i was the innocent and unknowing third wheel of the two until our friends started asking me if the two were an item...to which i replied " ohhh my...what?!?!!!??!!?" (that's how unassuming i can get folks nyahahaha ) before we knew it they made it official and everyone was just so happy and kilig for them...wishing them luck and "forever" soon...i sometimes call them my mama&papa since they give me sound advice on a very unstable me...much love for both of you nayahahaa :-p

KASH - patatims united! it's very rare to find someone who is not blood related but sees and loves you even with the fine print attached to your whole persona...it's having a sister from a different mother...i was super super delighted when yuya made time to visit me in here whilst on her 1 month vacation from dubai...it meant so much for me since at that time i was not financially well to go home and join the dreamgurlz...when my life went 360 degree turn  late of last year she was one person i constantly talked to keep my sanity going...we've been through a lot and we even made almost all the wrong decisions with regards to love val val but we always know that in spite of it we have each other's back...we may commit the same mistakes all over again but who cares? we will probably make more until it becomes the right one dba yah? and the thought that maybe during our end of days you, me and the rest of the DGs will see each other at the home for the aged then it can be something i can maybe look forward cause i know we will farteey! farteey! even on our wheelchairs nyahahahaa :-p xoxo to you yah from SG to Dubailand see you soon!

JERRY MAE/ATE KC - when the going gets tough...who you gonna call??? it's not ghost busters but ate KC!!!! nyahahahaa...i always highlight that i am a very unstable and unreliable person when it comes to my own relationship dilemmas (makes me wonder why i am the go to person for dating and relationship advice amongst friends????) ate KC puts everything in perspective and she will walk me through the facts, make me realize that from the start it was doomsday waiting to happen and finally convince me to simple walk away and flip hair dba? uhmmmm she already saw me went through it like nth time so she probably and surely have it in scripting format as to what to say over the multiple times i entered this situation...the good thing though, she never slaps you with how come you didn't saw it coming? she makes it a point for you to take into account the facts and decide for your own what are you gonna do about it...previously, i would cry for months going through the bargaining stage before putting everything into conclusion but nowadays since it's in a loop episode then i finally learned the art of letting go and move forward with had held high ansaveh? what's commendable about ate KC is she never left even if this is happening over and over again...maybe she believes that i can always get past it and maybe maybe someday the right fit will finally come and willing to accept the whole of me tama bah? salamat ng marami :)

ALEXIE-  pang ANTM levels kong maka pose LOL... to my delight alexie is a psycho loko2x so for the autistic me that is a relief! professionally she can psyche me and will eventually endorse me to go see someone nayahahaha ...kiddin' aside despite what happened she remained a friend...i guess it comes with maturity (i used that word to be on the safe side age wise geng ) that you don't have to be always together 24/7 to be a friend...it's enough to know that you will always be there when the situation needs be...let me thank you geng for the happy cooking and bone breaking housecleaning sa bahay ni joyce moments...it was really fun times...i'd like to say i miss it but we have to move forward for a happier life...still much love from me your forever patient LOL

WHACKIE - my self proclaimed cousin not blood related ...they say distance makes the heart go fonder (quotable quotes yet again!) not in a romantic way but the moments where before you go home after shift even if you are super duper sleepy you will still have the time to chat or have coffee with a friend just so you can promise to finally go out of the graveyard shift but won't after receiving the bonus nyahahahaha :-p it would be one of the things that i'd miss the warmth of people even at work...caz is also one of the few people i can count and go to when my life seems not at all sunny...it helps a lot to have people put things in an objectively and truthfully harsh manner ...i meant that it a good way hap....you see when life throws you into a sticky situation, some moments and decisions do not really make sense...you want to make a wise choice but you just cannot...so on those crisis and tense episodes i bother whackie nyahahahhaa...when all sides have been properly argued then laugh fest is in order...you can also check his blogsite: whackyadventures.blogspot.com for budget friendly tours in PH (free promo nani hap nayahahaaha )...i know your SG plan has been moved for like nth time already but still see yah soon :-p

P.S:

notice the way face of my blog site? (proud pa dba? LOL) it's another year, so i gave it a new face lift but all the same color palette ...i'd like to believe that the new look is my attempt to look less picture-ry of myself  and even updated the "about me" so it will give a better impression as to why this blog site was even created...lastly, change the background to the world map since i'm out to and hopefully can travel the world...fingers crossed on that one! :)

keepin' up with my life

From the moment I started to stepped in Singapura from my vacation I was immediately thrown into fire. I wasn't prepared and time was not on my side. I tried to approach it in a calm manner but when my career and professional survival was put to the test I cannot  wallow on self pity...my first reaction was how to be in a new one when the worse case scenario will happen and it did (just so you know nayahaha :p) the only thing that kept me sane on a daily basis was that my financial support to my family back home will be cut off and i can't and will never let that happen...my trust in people (especially fellow Filipinos) was put to the test and sadly some either purposely or unintentionally failed me...i can't drop names but i believe they know who they are...so the next time we meet and i don't have the slightest reaction by intention just don't push it...i only respond to how you treated me...nevertheless, i can't afford to be sidelined by them...life as they say goes on...i prayed fervently to have the strength and resilience to brave the storm, to have faith that everything will eventually be okay and to always have faith that Someone up above is designing the best laid plan...i find comfort on believing on those even without assurance as to what will happen...with the right attitude and positive mindset i know that all will fall into the right place...this is what papa God served on my plate...naturally it's human nature to be worried but the next statement should be what can i do about it? giving up is definitely not my game plan....if it won't go my way i won't hand it that easily..I'd certainly put up a good fight! to cut the story short... i did get a new work from a much promising and hopefully better company...in a way i can say it was a blessing in disguise...God certainly answered my prayers...only he had a different idea in mind how to answer it but thanks so much papa GOD :) with everything that has happened i can now finally focus on who made my year for 2012 as promised it's a yearly thing and i am still picking and making up my mind who really made an impact on me for last year....i guess stay tuned nyahahahaa :-p

today i am officially an OFW paper wise nyahahaahaha :-p although was a bit disappointed to have to wait on queue but nevertheless, i got what i came for so clap! clap! only to have my heartbeat racing with a warning from my coworker that our "lolo" went hell again  and was taken out on him. i actually felt bad but he took the bullet for me and i owe him one big time...promise i'll make it up someday LOL! so here i am all alone on the closing shift trying to bury myself on work related productivity stuff i have already finished hours ago. i actually am efficient in more ways than you can see. i may look timid, slow and irritating but that's just what i want to project since you want me to be that way...let's just say i'll just surprise you one day :) or i simply just wanna feed your dislike...either way i find it amusing. and so here i am staring on my monitor visiting all corners of my mind to rack out things i wanna share and it all boils down to what boring hours can do to me. i feel everything is heightened at it's peak.  my annoyance to one person, my inside telling me to drop by and say hi to one person who is halfway around the world, my not so clear work pass extension, the how the final sequence of my "naudlot" love affair would end, the how to celebrate Christmas and the homecoming in 9 days. you see this is the classic me, i once dated a guy who told me about this ages ago that i always think and over the edge if he may add an adjective. but i can't help me. this is how i was brought up. to think...well i may be emotional that's normal since i am still a girl but i always make sense out of things no matter how insignificant they become in the long run. so i am yawning counting the last 30 minutes before i press log out! with thoughts of when will K ask me for coffee nyahahaha hopefully soon before the world ends :) 

over hot coffee

i've been trying to visit slumber land for the last 5 hours but i'm on a high...it could be the booze or coffee but i really cannot will my eyes to shutdown...so here i am doing one thing that never fails...i really don't have any topic in mind just that a thought visited me...with flu and sneezing nonstop i suddenly cannot stop thinking about "M." how it would be nice to finally sit and talk to him face to face once again.i meet him about 2 years ago while vacationing on a picturesque island  and i have to say i never felt so connected to a person before he came. oh well i can always carry a conversation (i don't mean to brag suhwear!)  that's a given... but he was the only guy that can really go with the pace as i was in. it's like meeting your soul mate but you don't have any romantic inclinations...you can talk anything under the sun. we basically know how to respond and finish sentences without even meaning to. we had so much to talk and so little time. nevertheless, we made the most out of it and it was one thing in my life i would never ever regret. to know that someone halfway across the world gets you. days, weeks, months and years passed and we have moved on to our lives. oh yes! we are social network connected but our lives went as how we would live it. i continued chasing my dreams and achieved most of it (ohh dba? feeler much)...suddenly out of boredom and at that moment on an emotional turmoil, i saw the green light beside his name...i tried to stop myself but just went with what the heck?!?!!!? i simply said what anyone would...a hello, smiley and the dumb how's life...i ran to the pantry to get my daily dose of coffee, never expecting an echo of answer and my ged! to my surprise there he was...the exchange would have been brief if it was just another person but we quickly jump from how we have been, to our professional lives, to the olympics and chili wings and so on...my heart was rapidly beating that nothing changed from 2 years ago. we still have that "connection" and that made my day. i am not pinning on any romantic route or feeling lovey dovey about the whole thing...but it amazes me that you can have someone like that in your life. with the one day we had together and with what happened between us we can still be who we are without assumptions or looking at each other with indifference . from the start what really drew me was his transparency and zest for life...something that i never found with any guy i meet and dated (char! as if there were too many nho?) they may appear limpid at the beginning and one with the 21st century way of thinking... but the chauvinistic man ego always prevails...the need to conquer...the need to be superior over women. sad but true, we still have double standards maybe because we let it...tsk...tsk...tsk...entirely out of topic...going back, we have been communicating as of late and everytime it's always something refreshing...there is always that feeling of excitement on our everyday adventure no matter how little it was...it doesn't need to be always constantly in touch...just finding comfort on the thought that he is out there...maybe for  a good distraction or a reminder for me that such a person exist in my life...not necessarily a lover nor the chummiest of friend rather someone you would love to chat over hot coffee :)

12.12.12

"I wish I'm just a kid. Less worries, 
sometimes none at all."

when do you say it's the end? when over is the finale? rationally, i would gather facts as many as i can to come to a conclusive decision...when my whole being is threatened and my ego had been bruised then it's high time to let go! no more explanations needed just simply drop everything and move forward...but that's the thing...how do you move forward...by now, i should have a road map on this course but i'm back to where i started. not that i am lost on what and how to step forward.

those were echoes from 15 days ago...i just reviewed all that is on draft mode and felt the strongest connection on this one. it is but fitting to end something that i started...and i sure hoped that it also happens in real life...endings to every beginnings...i can only sigh but we can choose our own endings. as crazy as how my mind goes in circus patterns this days, i am firmly planting my conviction that everything is in conclusion- no ifs no buts-just that it has closed curtains and the next play is on the works...same old me playing the lead role (but of course! this is my life nyahaaha!) and still looking for next casts to better fit vacated roles. each day is a constant battle and thankfully most days are a win! the fighter in me is pushing me to never look back, to erase vague moments of uncertainties and to thrust forward for a  brighter day. i fill out my days of thoughts that it will soon be over and sunny days are up ahead...easier said than done but to be truthful about it there are itsy bitsy leaks on this strong facade...those moments when you just wanna breakdown but you cannot because the head tells you to think long and hard that it's really not necessary...and so i drown on animosities at which i ended up on retail therapy nyahahaha:-p well a girls' gotta do what she needs to do you know :-p and as i've always say this is just temporary....i can feel and smell happiness around the corner :)

this will be the last of it...i hope!

they say the first step to letting go is acceptance...memories are bittersweet tortures but you have to continue pushing forward...it was a heavy feeling retracing the very places i once walked with the person i have almost considered to be part of my life maybe for forever. but there i am treading them as if heavy chains were strapped on each feet. i tried to keep my composure on the spot where once a person waited and looked at me like i was the only person in the world...i have to say i miss that but controlled myself of whatever emotion was gonna happen...talking aloud in my mind that it would never happen again :( so i kept  going... towards the streets where i was protectively held amongst  passing cars and buses...i was thinking of finally finding comfort when i entered the church but looking at the pews we once sat my heart just wanna stop beating for a moment and just walk out and find solace elsewhere. but i stood there reminding myself that i am here because i need to talk to the one person who knows entirely what are my heart's desire... i thought of it as a test on how far i'm willing to go to face HIM...i found relief knowing that despite my pain, my confusion and my many doubts someone up there has the greatest and best laid plans for me and that whatever I'm feeling right now is just temporary....just a little bend on the round to make me stronger and wiser the next time i turn on this corner..probably gathering a team of heavenly beings ensuring that my well deserved happy ending is gonna happen... 

GOOD VIBES :)

i stumbled upon an article about hating a person who have hurt you....made me think twice about reading the content but on the first sentence alone i stopped....uhmmm...hating is such a strong and powerful wrong and it doesn't validate any thing...yes you've been hurt, betrayed or whatever  but hating them for that will not make the pain you feel lesser. it will just magnify whatever it is you are feeling...that could then lead to self pity, guilt or something. i suggest instead rather than focusing on destroying the person why not treat them with kindness and know that in this way they will see you as a person mature enough to accept that things don't end up as intended. plus you get to show them it's their loss letting you go but that's just minor compared to feeling better. it takes time i know! i've been that road multiple times and over and over it just felt right not to say or hate while you're at that feeling...just let time heal whatever you feel or is need to repair...just have faith that after every storm is a rainbow! char!  good vibes! good thoughts! good life!